Almost at the half-way mark until Deportation Doomsday.

Hallo.

A lot of you have asked me about our apartment search so I want to start out with a glimpse of how that has been going so you all can stop being at the edge of your seats wondering (Spoiler: we have not found an apartment yet). PS you can click to enlarge all of the pictures posted in this blog!

I have messaged 91 ads as of today:

BUT we have had a few more invitations to view some places. Here’s just one example!!!

In this first picture you can see the lovely entrance way (not sure if the junk pile is included or not):

I believe this was the living room or the bedroom (not sure because they all looked like grey dirt rooms with garbage in the middle of the floor):

Once we were able to walk through the dangling wires and rubble, we entered the kitchen (fully renovated to include the sticker wall apparently):

Believe it or not, we decided to not go for that one but there were 10+ other people there who I think were genuinely interested. I’m pretty sure this is how Borja and I looked at each other when we were walking through this place (Pictures courtesy of our IPhone camera’s while watching Homeland one night):

                                                               

Here’s a common response that I get when I email about apartments:

APPARENTLY ANIMAL HUSBANDRY IS FORBIDDEN HERE, WHO KNEW?!

It should be getting better now though because all of the brat college students should be housed and done stealing our dream homes, so hopefully we will find something good soon!!

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I’ve been wanting to put some very serious rumours to rest about Germany. Before we left Seattle, I was told time and time again (AND BELIEVED THIS TO BE TRUE) that Germany was lacking some very crucial food items. This is a goddamn lie.

Exhibit A: Maple Syrup

Exhibit B: Peanut Butter

Exhibit C: Boxed Macaroni and Cheese

Yes, I know, that peanut butter isn’t organic and probably has a lot of preservatives and weird shit in it. But guess what, I always liked that peanut butter the best and now I don’t have to try to be cool anymore and get the unsalted-organic-vegan-gluten free kind that costs $5 bucks, tastes like cement, and gets the weird oil lake on top THAT NEVER REALLY MIXES IN WHEN STIRRED. I’ve always been a Barney’s Best girl at heart.

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I started German Language School this past week. I go Mon-Thurs for 4 hours per day. It’s a very small class and there’s people from Iran, Russia, Morocco, Turkey, Syria, and Italy in it.

Day 1: I showed up and realized that the other 8 students already spoke decent German. So I spent the next 4 hours thinking that I was in the wrong class. The teacher only speaks Deutsch and we’re only allowed to speak Deutsch. I was expected to know how to already introduce myself, talk about where I was from, and to count to 10. I ended up just saying “I don’t know what you’re saying” about 10x through out the day.

Here are some notes that I took:

WHAT?

Day 2: I spent all morning before class learning how to count to 10 and to say hello. I showed up to class feeling so fucking proud of myself but then she asked me to count in the 100’s and assumed that I would be able to talk about my “profession”. I spoke in English and explained what my job was in Seattle and how I worked with the homeless etc, and someone translated it to her. She sat talking for awhile trying to make sense of it all and then she blurted out “Streetwalker!” at me. So she may or may not think that I am a prostitute just trying to learn a second language.

The next two days got exceptionally better and I’ve grown to like the class a lot. I still have no idea what’s happening and can’t have a conversation in Deutsch, but at least I can count to 100 and say GUTEN TAG. That should get me a job right?

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Other things that have happened..

Borja’s foot got sliced open by our cat when said cat got startled at literally nothing:

This Christ store happened:

They have really cute brown squirrel’s here!

The cat painter happened:

Borja keeps getting drunk and trying to get Yufka’s at 2am because they’re supposed to be open until 3am but they’re always closed when he gets there and he gets really upset:

Leroy managed to somehow get an oddly familiar looking Litter-Stache just beneath his nose:

I got late night post-boozing pizza slices and had a nervous breakdown because of how terrible it was. This is the first time in my life that I have literally thrown pizza into the garbage. I think that night changed me forever. Here’s a reenactment:

I lost my wallet and I was real upset over it at first but then I remembered that it doesn’t have anything in it that does anything cool anymore.

I think that’s it for now.

Tschüss!! (I copied and pasted that)